Saturday, February 28, 2009

1:00 am again

What's the deal. Well I know what the deal is. I can't sleep because my brain is too busy. I'm struggling a bit, I hurt and I'm grieved in my heart over some things that I've heard lately. Things about aweful, terrible, horrible things done to children.(not mine) Some things I just cannot bear well and they linger in my heart and make me crawl into bed with my children while they sleep and hold onto them and cry.

Then I need "yammer". Fluff to fill my head and let me focus on something else.

I pray, and cry and give it to God. Then I have to let it go. Sometimes that means staying up way too late reading new blogs. It doesn't happen often though.

I was reading over at the Riggs Family Blogg and Brent was sharing why he has so much joy in the face of his daughter fighting cancer. In a nutshell he said that he will one day be in heaven and this life is just a vapor. What's a week or so of not being able to use my hip and dreading waiting to deliver this new little Wiebe?

I've always day dreamed about being one of those moms who's water just suddenly breaks so we go to the hospital and 2-10 hours later our baby is born. I'm not that mom. I'm the one who's labor is nice and gentle. Contractions 10 minutes apart until transition and even then they're only 5 minutes apart. Sounds nice hey. Well it is... but after 30 some hours it gets old. I'm grumbling here and not focusing on the whole "One day I'm going to be in heaven and this will all be a vapor" thing. I guess I haven't had as much practice as Brent and Michelle.

Wasn't God just telling me this morning to "rest". Yeah, time to get over my pity party, eat a sandwich and go to bed!

Well if that wasn't a nice little bit of realism from Momma Bean.



Ruth said...

I'm not sleeping well either! Back pain & Headache Issues. They're awful! So I dread going to sleep and then I am restless all night and then here I am at 7:30am on a Saturday morning commenting on blogs and I've been awake for an hour as my husband sleeps blissfully in the next room! WAAAA!!! I know your pain!

starla said...

your in the home stretch, before you know it you'll be home with babe in arms and your body will be slowly getting back to normal (for a couple months anyhoo). Next time you have a mound of laundry and the floors need to be swept, give me a ring!

Gwen said...

I do the same thing re: abused children. I think it's terribly unhealthy, but it's difficult to stop my mind from dwelling there.

You're in my prayers. May this be the quickest, easiest and painless delivery yet! God bless you!

Mrs. Wilson said...

I hate reading about bad things happening to children as well - but it's good perspective that guy has.