Tuesday, April 30, 2013


I hear the Lord speaking to my heart at the funniest times. Usually when it's not quiet around me. Usually when I'm about to lose my cool, and always after I have. The term still, small voice is accurate, in a way. Because while it is still and small, it always rings out in my spirit.

Some of these times are fairly routine.... "Don't say it"   "You need to appologize"
 "That's your pride"    "You are beautiful"  

Theses are things that I often hear.  They are things that I need to hear, a lot.

Other times they are things that rock me. Shake me. Move me off of a path that I thought was right and open my eyes up to all of the wrong that I had missed.

This happened the other day.

My biggest struggle is an obvious one. I'm a glutton. And while I would wager that we all are in one form or another, I'm actually a food glutton.

 While we could talk all day about why, I won't.

Along with this pet sin of mine, comes and physical concequence. Obesity.

Along with Obesity comes the desire to be thin.

I have been, and I know I can be. But I'm not. Yet.

I was driving to town and saw two women running. They were wearing their fancy running wind breakers and special running pants, with pony tails and baseball hats. I looked at them and thought, discontentedly, "I want to be like that."

My neighbor runs, I call her a machine. She is a beautiful, perfectly toned sculpture of womanhood. I remember the first time I saw her running I was in shock. I had recently started running and knew what I looked like, a tired old brood mare who was just barely plodding along, huffing and puffing as she goes.

My neighbor doesn't look like that when she runs. She barely looks like her feet touch the ground. She is like a gazelle. Her pony tail even looks good when she runs.

These are all of the things that I thought of in the two seconds of admiring the two women running on the side of the road in their fancy gear.

And then it happened.

He spoke to me.

"I asked you for something different."

Saturday, April 16, 2011

It's hard to believe.

It's hard to believe that I'm old enough to have born six children.

It's hard to believe that we're old enough to have a mortgage, which we're working hard to get rid of.

It's hard to believe that I'm old enough to drive a Suburban, because I need to, not just because I think it's cool.

It's hard to believe that I've been married for ten years, and it's good. Really good.

It's hard to believe that I've grown up.

But what's hardest to believe is that despite all of my efforts, God has brought me here. I'm in love with Him, in love with my husband and in love with my family. They love each other and they love me too!

Monday, March 07, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

My utmost for His highest.

From today's devotional.

"When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in your life if you will wait on His timing. Never try to help God fulfill His word. Abram went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all of his self-sufficiency was destroyed. He grew past the point of relying on his own common sense. Those years of silence were the time of discipline, not a period of God's displeasure."

I am amazed at how long Abram waited. 13 years! That is huge. I start pouting after two days. I want to be able to say that I waited as long as it took. Abram tried to help God which is why we have Ishmael. I have to admit there are many Ishmaels in my life. While they may not be real people they are there none the less.

At the end of this devotional I have to ask myself. If the Lord had given Abram his son right away, say in a year or two, would Abram have been willing to lay him on the alter? Would he have "known" Hagar and learned that he cannot do things on his own, that he must rely on God's will and timing. Would he be able to say to himself "God has promised that my decendents would be like the sand on the shore, surely I can trust him in this as I have before.

This make me, with fear and trembling, want to go through the darkness, to be strengthened. When Mercy Me's lead singer Bart Mallard recorded the song "Bring the Rain" he was asked, "Are you sure you want to sing this?" It is a fearful thing to say to God, "Do what you want, I'll take the bad with the good, test me and see if I'll praise you no matter what... help me do it, but send the rain Lord."

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Just in case.

I'm leaving tomorrow night for Vancouver for a few days to attend my Grandpa's funeral. Whenever I have to fly some where I am faced with my mortality. I've been faced with it a lot lately in Francis Chan's book Crazy Love.

I have a bit of a habbit of writing my family a letter when I fly somewhere (as if I'm not more likely to die driving somewhere) just in case. I've decided to put it on here because it's not as likely to get lost or eaten by a toddler :) Usually they are very long with a large portion for each child. This time I don't have so much to say.

To my family.

Never forget that no matter how many times I failed, I loved you. You will fail too, and I hope if you have learned anything from me it is that God's grace is big enough, period.

Serve God, no matter what the cost may be. Be it your life, your relationships, your comfort, your security, your money, your time, your sleep. Give it all to him. Not just in your heart. But give it in service for him. There is nothing on this earth that is worth holding onto. It is all for God.

No matter what it costs you or how much it hurts, read the Bible and do what it says. People will hate you for it. They will say that you don't love the way Christ wants you to. They will say that you are legalistic or a hypocrite. People who always stood beside you will leave. We are not here to please man, man has nothing for us, man's opinion does not matter. The only thing that matters is God and his word. They are the only ones who will be there in the end. Our life here is but a vapor. A fleeting moment. Don't waste the little time you have.

Do not worry about things. God will give us all that we need. If you are hungry he knows. If there is no food, don't question God, worship him. He will not forsake you. He is sovreign, don't ask why he's letting you go hungry, thank him that he's allowing you to even draw breath.

I want you to love each other. But not the way this world loves. Serve each other, give your lives for each other. HOLD EACH OTHER ACCOUNTABLE. If your brother or sister is sinning, don't let them feel good about it. Show them their sin, let them see how detestible it is to God. Pray for them and help them out of the pit, but don't sit there and watch them wallow in it. What does darkness have to do with light?

Honour your Father. He is a man with much wisdom. More than most his age. Submit yourselves to him while you are in his house, and honour him and his opinions even when you leave. He is not perfect, but neither are you and the Lord has set him over you to train you up and send you out. As long as he isn't telling you to sin (and I don't mean the kind of thing that you think must be sin because it's uncomfortable and you really don't like it, I mean the "thou shalt not"s and the commands of Jesus.) do what he says. Period.

This isn't a fluffy love letter. I know that you understand how much I love you. These are the things that I want to live by, the kind of person that I want to be. I pray that they will be the same for you, that is why I've written them.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and may your rejoice and worship him even when it doesn't seem to.

I love you all,

From My utmost for his highest by Oswald Chambers

" Jesus said to her 'Give Me a drink' (John 4:7). How many of us are expecting Jesus Christ to quench our thirst when we should be satisfying him!"

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Crazy Love

I am reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. So far it's life changing. Here is a part that I read last night and it floored me. He's talking about worry and stress and not rejoicing in all things as the scriptures command in Phil. 4:4

"When I am consumed by my problems - stressed out about my life, my family, and my job - I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's commad to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my resposibilities."

Then later on talking about worry and stress Chan says:

"Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin ad not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogace. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed."

This book is full of these beautiful nuggets and I love the way the Lord brought it into my life right at the same time I fould the song Follow You by Leeland. There is deffinately a theme going on here :) I think someone is trying to tell me something.... how about you?