Monday, May 07, 2007


When we got back from Vancouver, God really started working on something in my life that has head a death grip on me for a long time. Now this is something that I know the enemy could really have used against me in the last four days but I am thankful to be delivered from it.

Fear. I'm a sucker for it. Man I was seriously haunted for three nights by dreams about us living out in the wild as pioneers and being hunted by T-rexs' Cause you know there are a lot of dinosaurs around.

Anyway I didn't sleep and trying to fall alseep was horendous. The enemy had such a tight grip on me. I would see a branch move and instantly think... "there's probably a cougar in there... what if it gets in the patio door, then it would kill all the kids while we were sleeping and we'd wake up in the morning their dead bodies. Then some strange cereal killer would find the door open and come in and kill the rest of us, but not after torturing us all...." And it would carry on in such a fashion.

I really gave the enemy a hand in it by watching movies like "The Blair Witch Project" in my teens. So... as crazy as it sounds this is how my mind likes to work and eventually I was going to either have a heart attack, accedently kill Dalen thinking he was a axe murderer or hyperventalate to death in my sleep.

I decided that I'd had enough. After my third t-rex nightmare I woke up around 3 and told God I was finished with this insanity. I was handing over the reigns and it was time for him to fix it. So I did what I knew I didn't do enough. I opened my bible. I looked up fear and found some verses that applied to me and read them for about half and hour. Over and over.

Here they are.
Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear for I am with you, do not dismay for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

This verse was shared with me before I gave birth to Ephrim, it carried me through.

This next verse really spoke the most to me in my situation.

Psalms 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare

and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—

even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,

no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him

and show him my salvation."

This verse spoke amazingly to me because it was so specific to my fears... most of you probably know that I am terrified of cougars.Our whole family loves camping, including me, but I do not sleep. I lay awake terrified listening to all the sounds of the forest, waiting, for something. It is such a burden to my husband.

So after I read that whoever makes his dwelling in the most high I looked for a verse that told us how to live with the most high. This is what I found.

Isaiah33:14 The sinners in Zion are terrified;

trembling grips the godless:

"Who of us can dwell with the consuming fire?

Who of us can dwell with everlasting burning?"
15 He who walks righteously

and speaks what is right,

who rejects gain from extortion

and keeps his hand from accepting bribes,

who stops his ears against plots of murder

and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil-
16 this is the man who will dwell on the heights,

whose refuge will be the mountain fortress.

His bread will be supplied,

and water will not fail him.
17 Your eyes will see the king in his beauty

and view a land that stretches afar. "

That verse made it all come together for me. I knew that if I dwelled with the most high I would be protected. And now I knew what I had to do to dwell in the most high.. and there was a bonus. I will see the king in his beauty.

Now there is one wrench in this whole thing. God's will. I am his and I've given my life to him. If he desires for my family to be killed by a t-rex than it will happen. Our lives are for his Glory. Do I think that will be his will? I sure hope not, but in the end...

Isaiah 45:9 "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker,

to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground.

Does the clay say to the potter,

'What are you making?'

Does your work say,

'He has no hands'?

In the end I am nothing.

"I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapor in the wind" -Casting Crowns "Who am I"

In light of that I discovered this last verse and it really did leave me breathless. I am continually amazed at the power of my God, but to read this very truley made me feel like a vapor in the wind.

Psalm 46:6 "Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts. "

Talk about putting some perspective on the power of God.

Luke 1:38"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.

I fell asleep that night and felt as though there was a great wall around my mind, I could feel protection in my spirit. I would feel fear start thoughts and it was as though a gate was slammed shut. This mind is Christ's, he has better things to do with it than waste it away on fear.

I heard in a movie that the Bible says 365 different time to not fear. That's one time for every day of the year! Do you think it's a coincidence? Nope it's a Godincidence!

Praise Jesus for freedom!


Jenny said...

I've read this twice tonight Sirena. No other words to say accept thanks for sharing!! Big hugs to you!!!

Becky said...

Psalm 46 is my favorite psalm. I love verse six. "God is within her. She will not fall, God will help her at the break of day." I know it's talking about a city, not a 30 something stay at home mom, but I apply it to me anyways. Especially since it is talking about dawn, and that was when a city was most likely to be under siege... So God will help me when I am under attack, when I am at my most vulnurable. Thanks for the reminder...

Anonymous said...

God is awesome! Thanks for sharing your victory!
Another verse I'm sure you'll like is:
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
I've said this so much in our house that my 3 year old daughter has it memorized and uses it to remind me!
In Christ's Love,