Oh Lord.

Evenings like tonight can really make a girl wish she could go back in time and choose career. You can never undo motherhood. You could abandon your children, walk away from them for the rest of their lives. Some mothers even sucome to the Devil's plea's and dampen the life they have born (I am neither of those mothers... just so we're clear) but those women, no matter how broken and aweful they may be will forever be Mothers. Today I was the shouting Mother. Often times I reflect on the statement "Emotional wounds heal slower than physical ones." Good Lord above I am sure to tear my children limb from limb with this tongue of mine.

This has built up and pile on top of that by baby having a reoccuring infection which I think has now spread into his diaper area, my daughter having ear infections along with other ailments, my husband constantly being sick or hurting himself, then there was the baby pooping on the rug while in the bedroom rubbing it in and wiping it on everything he happened to put in his mouth, and you end up with shouting Momma.

Here I sit listening to Pearl and Serene from Above Rubies singing about their babies that they were never even able to hold. The were taken from their bodies before they even knew their names, the color of their eyes, or had the joys of snuggles and diaper changes.

LULLABY OF LOVE
Dedicated to our baby in Heaven

Baby. . .
I wish you could have stayed,
I miss you growing inside of me.
Baby. . .
I would have loved to have seen your face,
I want to hold you endlessly.

But even though I won’t feel you in my arms
I hold your memory in my heart.

CHORUS:
And I’ll sing with the angels
A lullaby of love,
And as you’re soothed by feathered wings
In your cradle high above,
Hear my voice. . . your mother’s lullaby of love.

Baby. . .
If I could only look in your eyes
And you could see mine shine with how much I adore you.
Baby. . .
Were they the color of your daddy’s or mine?
And I know they had a beautiful hue.

I wonder what would have been your name,
But I’m so glad you came. . . for awhile. . .

CHORUS:
And I’ll sing with the angels
A lullaby of love,
And as you’re soothed by feathered wings
In your cradle high above
Hear my voice. . . your mother’s lullaby of love.

BRIDGE:
One thing I know I haven’t lost you,
You’re with your Creator by a celestial stream,
You were made for heaven, darling,
One day I’ll hold you and it won’t be a dream.

CHORUS AGAIN.

thank you lord. You have carried me. Thank you for Adon. Emma. And Ephrim. I love you Lord and I praise your incredible design and creation.